Them and You

Addiction.

Greater than want. Stronger than desire.

They might captivate. But it sets him on fire.

Stronger

She rambled on. She would chirp and bounce. He was drawn to her curve. The curve of her smile.

First touch, first love.  She told him nothing. He was too weak. Her shoulders carried the weight of the world. She couldn't just scare him away.

She instead took him a bit higher. To her neck. He spent relentless hours trying to unlock her world of secrets. She showed him fantasies. Fantasies that became their reality. But never, she let him come close. Lest the weight of her worries crush him under. He took to them fantasies gladly.

She took him through her thoughts instead. Opened a whole new world of experiences. New people, new places. Blended his craziness into hers. Did things pure, did things perverse.  Tied him up, instead of being tied down. Alcohol, music, conversations; in things they drowned. He loved the newness and embraced the change.

As in most cases, things don't go as per plan. Disaster here and a world collapses; but still she has her man. Her shoulders ached, so she opened her body. The void created was filled with his body. Confused, he carries on. All in a days play, world goes on.

New beginnings or new ends. Her world changes yet again. She draws him closer to her lips. Her quips, her kisses flow like nectar to him. She opens her mind and invites him in. He looks on, but now he is hooked.

Pressures rise, her shoulders fall. Little to win, to lose it all. The weight is too much; her shoulders hurt. She gets crazy, and annoyed and curt. 

Her veiled smiles, her gasps, her ached hellos. Through what seems like ages,  while she was smiling away; he was building up the way. He always saw the weight on her shoulders. So he asks her to share all that's hers. He weight, her sorrows, right down to the jealousy boulder. 

Coz, over the years he's become stronger; all her weights he may not shoulder, but every time she needs him she can call out and he will hold her. 

Ink Lust

Her words echo in his head. They fiddle with his reasoning. They ebb and flow through the crevices that his deep dark thoughts call home. They draw him to her every day.

They enchant, captivate and mesmerize. Worse they create want. Want. Not just desire. But a want. To see, acquaint, know and absorb.

He wants her. He wants her words. He wants her voice. He wants to close his eyes and imagine how she sounds. He wants to unravel her mystique. He wants her whisper. He wants her grin.

He wants her, as he wants to sin.

Of Her Times and Mine

She wept. And he stood. He ran. She left.

She lost her things. He lost his head. She sobbed hard, he blamed her instead.

The difficulties ebbed, the troubles stayed. Lets stick around, come what may.

Nights ago, they star gazed. They lay naked, amazed.

No magic cakes, no alcohol. Their times' gone; thrown away, it all.

Happiness, you elusive dream. All he does now is scream.

The soul's dead, he killed it. Life's empty, she filled it.

She is to blame, he will proclaim. She cares less, cause all's been a mess.

Hes knows. These are lies. She is great for his empty skies.

There is no fight, left in him. Empty, bereft, it all sinks in.

Hopelessness has its charm. No blame, no claim, no cause for harm.

Shoulders weak, heart aches. With every stumble that life takes.

Blame her, yes. It has its ease. She tries too hard to be pleased.

Things work out, they never will. His head asks, "Had your fill?"

He will smile once again. Love her, kiss her and not complain.

Synthesized joy. That's the ploy. Come join him and lets enjoy.

Bang Bang.

If you had a shiny gun
You could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folks that cause you pains

Its starts out with one. Then you realizes the whole world’s like that. Out there. Out to get you. Opinionated.Always judging. Disapproving. Questioning. Analyzing.

You cant take it anymore. It’s exceeded the threshold. Tried changing. You’ve tried not caring. You’ve tried not thinking. But nothings good enough. Nothings good. Nothings enough.

He is always behind you. Lurking. Checking. Commenting. He’s perfect. In every way. Every day. He says he likes you. He smiles. He screams. He lies. He questions. You answer. He’s unappreciative.  You try harder. He’s critical. You try and ignore. He pushes. And he pushes. And then you can’t take it. Ba-bang. Push – you pull the trigger.

She’s pretty. She’s smart. She’s happy. You’re hooked. She smiles. You swoon. She talks. You’re hooked. You kiss. You love. You give her everything you have. She gives you much more. She seems happy and you think its paradise. She asks. You give. You take. It’s good. It’s great. It was great. It’s not good enough. You were never good enough. She cries. You lie. She wants. You explain. She desires. She aches. She confronts. You reason. You hate. She doesn’t listen. She pushes. And she pushes. And then you can’t take it. Ba-bang. Push – you pull the trigger.

He is your friend. He’s unique. You two kick ass together. He shares. You share. He’s fun. He seems happy. He’s oblivious, you think. He’s content. He’s smarter. He drives a fast car. He taps hotter chicks. You share jokes. You seem to be envious. He makes fun. A tiny push here. A small jab there. He undermines. You laugh it off. He’s cool. He’s sexy. He’s everything you’re not. You like him. But every laugh, every drink, every kick, every chick is a push. And he gets better. Another push. He’s successful. Another push.   And then you can’t take it. Ba-bang. Push – you pull the trigger.

She’s your life. You treasure her. She’s sweet. She’s caring. She’s loving. She’s magnanimous. You cherish her. You depend on her. She adores you. You do everything for her. And much more. She seldom asks. You never let down. She’s picky. She makes your choices. She nags. She’s the decision maker. She questions. She nit-picks. She taunts. She torments. You’re depressed. You try. You fail. You’re demoralized. She’s accusive. She points at you. You are ashamed. She pushes. And she pushes. In hope you can get it together. She pushes some more. And then you can’t take it. Ba-bang. Push – you pull the trigger.

You are smart. You are funny. You are above mediocrity. You are ambitious. You persevere. You make your own ways. You write your own destiny. You are popular. You are witty. You are hollow. You are sad. You seek nothing. You question everything. You are never content. You cant see the good in things. You are scared. Scared to be happy. You crave. You desire. You aspire. You dream. You are irrational. You are neurotic. You want everything. You want anything. You like to push yourself. You allow yourself to be pushed. You push. The world pushes. And you push. . And then you can’t take it. Ba-bang. Push – you pull the trigger.

 Its not whats in your hand, its whats in your head that makes you dangerous.

*Poetry courtesy:Dorothy Parker

Happiness. Really?

Freedom is having your own laptop. Freedom is being able to sit in the window pane. As the heavens open up. Gentle sprinkles on my face. Goosebumps on my neck. Fogged windows by my side. The night sky looks amber. The palm trees dance like I never can. Swaying. Effortless. I want to sway with them. "Love was just a glance away, one embracing dance away", sings Sinatra. I cant help but smile.

Freedom is happiness. Choices are detrimental to happiness, says the TED vid guy.Paradoxical, yes. Once you are stuck in a situation with no alternate, you grow to get more content with it is what he says. Damn these guys can talk. But I like me choices. Happiness, notwithstanding. I like me freedom to choose. But I also like happiness. And yet see so little of it. It's like happiness is my mistress, unsurity my wife.

The comp jumps to a new song. "khoya khoya chand,khula aasmaan; aankhon mein saari raat jayegii, humko bhi kaise neend aayege."  I just want to dance now. Sway uninhibited. Unabashedly. Smile.

For I am with my mistress now.

Rock Bottom

Rockbottom.

So this is what it feels like.

The requiem for all that was good.

The end of all hope.

And it all falls down - your world.

And your life comes tumbling after. Your dreams transcend into nightmares. Insanity grips you. All seems lost.

Isolation.

Helplessness.

Tears.

And then it gets worse.